Outfit Post: The 36 year-old prom queen

So it's May. For many, May triggers thoughts of the following: The bloom of flowers, emergence of leaves on the trees, and summer fashions appearing in stores. But ever since my delicate adolescent years, May has pinpointed my attention on one thing - prom.

I have absolutely wonderful memories of my prom. Much like the royal wedding, prom was about one thing, and one thing only - my dress. I fantasized about that damm dress for years and tormented my poor mother about dress specifications for approximately as long. I daydreamed about the material, the neckline, the poof of the skirt, the amount of sequins and/or beading OR the lack of sequins/beading, and the length. I doodled pictures of Fantasy Dress in the margins of my homework. I cut out pictures of dresses I liked from magazines and carefully pasted them into a scrapbook. I engaged in passionate discussions regarding Fantasy Dress with as much vigor as the Mideast peace talks. This was a big deal.

When the time to purchase Fantasy Dress arrived, I was READY. Or so I thought. I waltzed confidently into my local boutique, shoulders squared and head held high. And I took one look at the rows of dresses for sale and promptly regressed into a cowering quivering overwhelmed creature on the verge of a nervous breakdown. There were SO MANY colors, SO MANY styles, SO MANY fabric choices, and ZOMG I CAN'T DO THIS I AM GOING TO BE NEKKID AT PROM AAAARRRGGGGHHH.

*Deep breath.*

After hysterics and deep breathing into a paper bag and many many glasses of water, I settled on a glorious 1990's Betsey Johnson concoction formulated from dark green lace with a demure sweetheart neckline and flared hem. It was perfect. I adored that dress. I would have worn it to sleep if my mother hadn't vehemently expressed her disapproval.

A few years ago, Morgan Spurlock ate nothing but McDonald's for 30 days and made a movie about it. In March, two New Yorkers inspired by nostalgia and prom season embarked on a much less gross but equally ambitious quest - to wear their prom dresses every day for 30 days straight. Called Take Me To The Prom, the Tumblr's authors documented their experience in their prom gear and provide thoughts on all things prom related. In addition to showing off remixed prom dress looks, Mallory and Bianca share inspirations, tips and tricks, prom stories, and videos. Though their month-long prom party has come to an end, the site is still there as a prime resource for any prom-goer in need of some inspiration. Such as myself. In an obvious example of either brain damage/temporary insanity, I thrifted a vintage prom dress the other day. And I wore it to fetch take-out. For realsies.

Can you imagine having to wear your prom dress for a straight month? Would it be a fantasy for you, or pure torture? Would you revel in the chance for a do-over, or does the mere thought make you break out in high school-like fits of self-consciousness? And what did your prom dress look like? Discuss!

Forever 21 denim jacket; vintage thrifted J Crew denim shirt; vintage thrifted 1980's prom dress ($8!); Gap tights; NYLA booties

Fashion rules broken: Dressing appropriately, wearing double denim, dressing mono-chromatically. Rules are for fools.

Everybody, Everywear: Maxi skirt, multiple breakdown

Life is full of mysteries. From Charlie Sheen's breakdown to Donald Trump's hair to socks that inexplicably vanish on the journey from washing machine to dryer, there are a lot of thing I don't understand. And one of those things has been maxi skirts.

The maxi skirt has always been an all-together confusing article of clothing to me. It seemed too voluminous, too sloppy, and not at all suited for anyone less than five feet ten inches tall with a definable figure. I believed maxi skirts were made for those lithe, coltish, gazelle-like creatures I spy shopping at places like Madewell. While these girls could look gorgeous dressed in Hefty bags, they are particularly adept at executing tricky fashion trends while making the rest of us feel pathetic and elementary. Such as the maxi skirt.

I audibly cringed when learning that maxis were "hot" for spring. While leafing through magazines, it seemed every designer had an emotional orgasm while discussing the trend. A maxi is "feminine", "demure," and "elegant." Some went so far as to declare the maxi "effortlessly chic" and "versatile." I learned that, theoretically, one could pair it with a peasant blouse or feather hair extensions for a '70s look, or top it off with a sleek tee and chunky jacket for a boho-chic direction. On warmer days, I might want to pair it with a slim tank and a belt to define my waist. Each magazine stressed that no matter what style maxi I went for, whether floor-grazing and full to slim and ankle-length, dressing up would be easy - I  could just "pull it on and be good to go!"

Readers, this is not the case. Styling my maxi was a struggle in both patience and fortitude. I was unwilling to spend any more time (and money) than necessary hunting down the perfect skirt for this month's Everybody, Everywear challenge, so I decided to work with one I had thrifted weeks ago. I tried sleek tees, and sleeveless tops; belting, and not belting; layered with long cardigans, and tucked into blousey tops; pairing it with sandals, oxfords, and chunky platforms; accessorized with no jewelry, and embellished with tangles of necklaces and bracelets and OH MY GOD GET THIS THING OFF OF ME I LOOK LIKE SNOOKI AAARRRGGGGHHH. Nothing looked right. I felt myself shrinking, widening, and becoming more and more squat.

By trial and error (and a shot of Makers Mark) I figured things out. My vintage silk top, with it's high neckline and graphic pattern, would lend an interesting contrast to my maxi. Paired with a vintage belt and platform booties, the pieces gave me a long, slim line and added six inches to my height.

And suddenly I got it. The maxi can actually be flattering on a short girl like me. And it only took one mental breakdown and a shot of liquor for me to find out. I'd say I made out pretty well.

Vintage thrifted Neiman Marcus silk blouse; vintage thrifted maxi skirt; vintage thrifted belt; NYLA platform booties; vintage thrifted snakeskin clutch; Forever 21 pyramid bracelet

 

And here is where I almost fell on my butt. Those booties are high, y'all.